To believe in people

I had this statement among my "raisins":

(Never / You can't really) lead people in whom you don't believe.

When I wrote this, I focused on the fact that if your role is to manage others, you can do it two ways. If you believe in them, you will lead, and consequentially, help and inspire them - if you don't, you will start controlling and consequentially, stress and micromanage them. This is an inevitable result of your approach, regardless of your education, favorite books or slogans. If you don't believe in your people, you will be a bad leader.

However, this statement has a very special taste for me. I see that this world is rapidly sinking, destroying external and internal values every day in a quite hopeless path, because of you. Yes, I talk about you, my dear reader, don't look around, don't pretend that I can't see you, that I can't know how nice person you are, how much good you do. If you live together with me in this world and can read this blog (have internet connection, access and time to read my words), then the infrastructure and services that you are used to, is stolen from other people. They die because they can't pay as much as you for food, water, shelter or health care; others are actually slaves to keep your systems running; and yet others will suffer because of the lack of resources that you have wasted, the garbage that you have created.

No, this is not a movie. This is what you do, this is what you are, if you dare to look at a larger picture, not only what you paint on your mirror. I feel constant pain because of this. I hate this. It is so hard not to hate you and myself for being part of destroying this planet (or more precisely: making in unable to support the next generation of human civilization). It is hard to have the quest of making things for the better written into my soul so deep that my life worth less to me.

I am alone. Yes, I have a great family, I have good friends and colleagues, but with my ideas, my fundamental (and alien) view of this world, I am alone. I understand how hard it is to face the real problems instead of dreaming, so yes, I understand you all. I also know that the solution is not "telling the truth", because our brain is not a computer, it is not enough to explain how things work. You must see an example, a pattern that you can test, play with, and invent your parts to add to the whole picture. You need someone who leads the way. I have a structure that may help improving this situation. I have tried to explain you. OK, perhaps not to you personally, but lost of people like you. And I naturally failed because they were not computers, too. They are just as naturally scared of the facts as you are.

According to my logic, regardless of how much I dislike this statement, I should lead you instead of trying to teach; otherwise we are doomed. On the other hand, I should not lead you because I must admit, I don't believe in you. As I told you, it is already very hard for me not to hate you. Again: yes, you, who read this and try to pretend it is not you.
I also don't believe in myself that I could be a leader, being so impatient, frustrated, rigorous bastard. It is enough to see how my sons behave when I am around (even though we really love and respect each other - they know me better than anyone else). It is so hard for me not to hate myself for this, because it stops me in my primary objectives.

This morning gave me a kind of relief. I went back to the best definition of faith I know, the Bible. I am not a theologian, I even doubt that I can count myself Catholic officially, but I am a tough thinker and I do respect the Bible for the wisdom and the brilliant lessons. Heb 11:1 says

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

To believe in people who do what you think they should, is not faith. That is the dream of the one who don't believe in them and temporarily successfully control them.

Really believing in people is a personal decision to be stupid. To be blind to the actual visible acts, favoring the invisible values inside.

That gives frustration. If I believe in someone that exactly means I keep asking myself
"Am I really this stupid? Do I have to waste so much time on this loser? Do I really believe that one day (s)he will stop moaning, futile talks, go silent and start thinking, working? Do I think one day this toddler will stop teaching and testing me? Do I really think that it worth repeating the same thing again and again and again? ..."
To believe in someone means I take this conflict into myself. My frustration, anger, impatience is a natural reaction of my (hopefully at least partially) human personality, is nothing to be shy about, but something that I should also show.

You must see that I am your prosecutor and advocate at the same time (and not, I repeat: NOT) your judge. If you start thinking about what I do, first you should understand that yes, this is the court, but not by human laws, but of nature, worded by great people from Aristotle to Darwin, from Lao-ce to Jesus. If you look at what I do, you may agree with the prosecutor side: we are hopelessly doomed. But you should also see that regardless of the chances, I keep being your advocate (yes, yours) at the same time, because I have chosen to hope in our future, and it depends on you. Yes, you. But not on your temporal actions and momentary decisions, but on your understanding and long term fundamental change based on it.

In this blog, in my writings you can see a way that I think worth to follow. Do you have the massive curiosity to see where it goes? The patience to go through it lots and lots of time, because now you should not make a shallow and popular opinion about it that you can repeat anytime - like stopping at the start of the path, saying "this surely goes the wrong way". That can be true. That can be your choice, you are free to think this way, I don't beg you. This is only a question: do you dare to follow me?

This is not something you can vote for.
This is something you should live and die for.
Just as I do.